As spokesman for Congressmen Obsessively Worried About Reelection Defeat Someday (COWARDS), I’ll respond to Sen. Bob Corker’s claim that nearly all Senate Republicans share his concerns about President Trump. Corker said Trump was treating his office like a reality show and could set our country “on the path to World War Three.”
Corker is right. Letting Trump run the country is like giving your toddler a box of matches and canceling your fire insurance.
So why won’t we denounce him?
Because polls show 83 percent of Republicans support Trump. If we don’t kowtow to him, we’ll lose in the primaries.
We’re backing Trump for you, our well-heeled constituents. What I’m about to reveal is confidential, but I’m not worried that liberals will find out. They don’t read the U-B opinion page. They get their fake news from CNN.
Only if Republicans retain control of Congress can we pass legislation like the Senate’s tax bill. It will provide a trillion-dollar windfall for the rich and raise taxes on people earning less than $75,000 per year.
By scrapping the individual mandate, our tax bill will raise health insurance premiums and leave 13 million low-income Americans without any health insurance.
To get reelected, we’ll have to prevent those 13 million losers from voting. We’ll do it two ways: Some will die because they’ll have no health insurance; and we’ll reduce the number of polling places, slash voting hours and ban vote-by-mail balloting. If we can replace a couple of liberal Supreme Court justices, we can bring back poll taxes.
We COWARDS believe that getting ourselves reelected is worth the risk that President Trump, on a whim, will press the nuclear button and wipe out civilization.
If that isn’t bravery, what is?